You can download the mix in the soundcloud player and find out more about 2 Bears at the2bears.co.uk

You can grab the tracks from the soundcloud player below and find out more about Betatraxx at Betatraxx.com

I feel like I’ve just been shagged in the bum hole. Pants round the ankles, bent over and taken from behind. Why can’t technology just fucking work? It’s literally the bane of my life.

Early this week I was chuckling to my little self as I saw BlackBerry users worldwide being tormented with a crumbling network system, bringing their handsets to a grinding halt. I rather enjoy being smug knowing that I’m using some form of superior technology to my counter parts. In fact, it’s for this reason alone why millions across the globe opt to use an Iphone – because they think they are superior. Just consider it for a minute… most people you know that own an Iphone are complete dildos right? I’d actually go as far as saying that you can tell a lot about someone’s personality just from the phone that they own:

· Iphone – self appreciating prick

· BlackBerry – either forced to own it by their employer and bought it to pretend they’re important enough to need one

· Android – like to kid themselves it’s an Iphone, when clearly it’s not. You know, the hippy types.

· Nokia – either they’re one of my parents or so spasticated they can’t use anything else.

Yep, I use an Iphone. I am, quite unashamedly, one of the self appreciating dildos you scour at on the train because I do nothing else but read the digital copy of the Metro on my tiny screen when the paper itself is on the seat next to me. Either that or I pay sixty nine pence to play Angry Birds when I could actually do it for free on an Android. Why? Because I can pay sixty nine pence for it, that’s why. I’m no modern day peasant. So as a user of such superior technology, it pains me to confess that the Iphone is also a massive floppy cock. There’s a brand new operating system you say? Well that’s excellent news. In readying my Iphone for the upgrade I was given a word of warning by a friend, explaining that he knew a girl who lost all her contacts in the process. My response to which was “yes, but I’m not a silly bitch”.

Apple promised me lots of new magical enhancements, which in fairness are all present. What however, Apple neglected to tell me was that the new upgrade would rape my phone for all of its contacts regardless as to whether or not I was in fact a silly bitch. Yep, every single contact has been wiped leaving me, quite helpfully, with only my own number in my contact list –you know, just in case I need to ring myself to remind me how pissed off I am with Apple metaphorically pillaging my insides.

I’ve categorically fallen out of love with my Iphone. What makes me hate my Iphone even more is that I’m going to have to lower myself to creating one of those Facebook groups for pathetic people who either can’t use technology or continuously lose things, entitled “I’ve lost all my numbers because I’m a whopping div, post them all please. MEGALOLZ”. I wish I’d never sold my first ever phone. I miss those simple times. I miss you Bosch 509e. I miss your pretty orange face.

You can find even more witticisms from Teddy every week in Calm Down Dearest, dig through the archive to get a taste.

Wowsers. Has it really been so long since I last penned an article of Calm Down Dearest?

Time certainly flies when you’re having fun, or sitting exams, or generally contemplating what to do in life. So much has happened since we last spoke that I barely know where to begin. I’m sure I could rant for hours about the broken society, my holiday excursions or the fact that even with the addition of my man crush Gary Barlow, X-Factor is still predictably shit. Alas, I’ve been prompted to whip out my quill in order to vent some frustration regarding today’s latest episode of stupidity.

I love and hate stupid people in equal measure. On the one hand, they provide me with a vast amount of humour for which I am eternally grateful. On the other, I’d much sooner put them to sleep than share my oxygen with them – it’s one of life’s constant dilemmas.

Today’s example of idiocy is actually quite tragic (that doesn’t mean we can’t laugh about it; just that we ought not to). There seems to have been an awful lot of media coverage lately surrounding shark attacks, both in the news and with the recent cinema release of Shark Night 3D (which I dare say, is toilet). Now I’m not a genius when it comes to sharks but generally speaking, I’d say I’ve got a pretty good grasp of how not to get killed by one:

· Don’t swim anywhere near one

· Don’t think it won’t happen to you

And lastly, my piece of advice from personal experience, for trying to stay safe around any type of wild animal including sharks:

· Don’t, under any circumstances, use one as a sexual aid.

If you follow those three simple steps, I will guarantee that you won’t be in harm’s way. The same however, cannot be said for a brain dead British expat swimming at the Fish Hoek beach in Cape Town who was attacked on Tuesday. Don’t get me wrong here, I want to sympathise with being attacked by a shark, I really do… but I just can’t. Only ninety minutes before the attack had spotters (hired specifically by the local council to spot sharks) seen a great white in the water – the beach was then closed and a shark flag was raised to indicate the presence of said shark. Now had this set of circumstances happened in a film and then some complete balloon decided to go for a swim, wouldn’t we all be willing a shark to come rip him to pieces? Well, it did. In fact reports suggest that he has had his entire right leg bitten off and his left leg severed below the knee, which to be fair, probably hurts a tad. He’s currently stable in hospital, so whilst I wish him a speedy recovery, I hope he can hear me tutting loudly in disbelief at just how stupid he is.

Despite the beach being closed, despite the shark warning flag being raised and despite being previously warned about the presence of sharks this pleb thought it wouldn’t happen to him. Well, more fool you and I for one would like to present you with this week’s main prize for being a massive stupid bell end. You sir, have won a trophy. Not just any trophy… this trophy:

You can find even more witticisms from Teddy every week in Calm Down Dearest, dig through the archive to get a taste.

Fringed Harmonies is a weekly column showcasing the best outfits from Lookbook.nu. We scan our favourite user led fashion website Lookbook.nu for amazing outfits and pair them with awesome music to create a musical journey through your future wardrobe.

Click here and you can load up a playlist (via. Spotify) of all the tracks featured this week. Or alternatively click the name of each song to listen on Youtube.

Rose Aztek // Washed Out – Feel it all around

Triangle // Clinic – The Equaliser

When your around // Sunday Girl

Color Blocking // Arcade Fire – Rebellion (lies)

Virgin Road // Modest Mouse – DashBoard

Kelly Watch The Stars // Pixies – Where is my mind

It Shouldn’t Hurt me to be free // Cat Power – I found a reason

Back To Black // Rolling Stones – Brown Sugar

Fringed Harmonies is a weekly column showcasing the best outfits from Lookbook.nu. What sets this column apart from other ‘best of’ ones, is that whilst it takes interesting fashion ideas from well styled individuals, it also includes a song for each separate outfit which we think fits the personality and look of each person featured.

Click here and you can load up a playlist (via. Spotify) of all the tracks featured this week. Or alternatively click the name of each song to listen on Youtube.

Mediterranean Dreams // Bon Iver – Blood Bank

Nude Colours // Iron & Wine – Naked As We Came

Lace Studs // Fleet Foxes – He Doesn’t Know Why

You-Gotta-Dream-Like-You-Never-Seen-Obstacles // Squarepusher – Plug Me In

Everything is Everything // Beirut – Elephant Gun

Come On // Calexico – Two Silver Trees

Black Leather Dress & Jacket // RJD2 – 1976

Feel it coming in the air // Diplo – Newsflash

Click here and you can load up a playlist (via. Spotify) of all the tracks featured this week. Or alternatively click the name of each song to listen on Youtube.

I don’t sleep, I dream // Bon Iver – Skinny Love

Don’t Look Back // Jose Gonzales – Heartbeats

And we just coast // Common – Punch Drunk Love

Basic. // Peaches – Boys want to be her

Pushing Daises // Le Tigre – The The Empty

Away From The City // Death Cab For Cutie – Bixby Canyon Bridge

Japanese Syle // Yourcodenameismilo – Translate

We have another edition to our mixtape series and this time its from The Two Fifteens.

Abe and Andrew Adams a.k.a. The Two.Fifteens mix elements of Techno, Dubstep & Hip-hop to produce a sound that resembles early Warp releases from the likes of Aphex Twin, Autechre & Nightmares on Wax – never bogged down in one genre and feeling like straying from the path once taken is more exciting than going down that road again, their music is as eclectic as they want it to be.

TRACKLISTING:

1. Cameo- Hangin’ Downtown
2. The Eastsidaz feat. Kokane, Nate Dogg, and Butch Cassidy-Cool
3. Actress- Harrier ATTK
4. The Two. Fifteens- Back 2 The Jack (Remix)
5. King Tubby- Natty Dread Girl (Extended Dub)
6. Rich Boy-Convertable Status
7. Cameo- She’s Strange
8. The Avalanches-Radio
9. The Two. Fifteens- S.O.B. (Swaggin’ On A Bean)
10. Grace Jones- Walking The Rain
11. Suga Free- On My Way
12. Willie Hutch-Mother’s Theme (Mama)
13. Chip The Ripper- Movie

We had a quick chat with the boys to see how they attacked the mix for us and what tracks are making them lose their mind right now…

So, who are The Two Fifteens and what do you do?

The Two. Fifteens is a production duo comprised of brothers Abe and Andrew. We specialize in abstract trunk rattling future beaters. We also moonlight as semi pro stunt men.

What defines your sound?

Angular sequencing, analog gear, scientific bass engineering but more than that just having fun while we’re making the sounds.

What angle did you attack the mix you did for Faux at? What did you want to show?

We wanted showcase music that we actually drive around and listen to instead of stuff that just looks good on playlist. We listen to a eclectic selection of music and we didnt want to just re-post stuff that had already been on blogs for the last 6 months.

Favourite track in the mix?

Well, we put Cameo on the mix twice, so it’ll be a toss up between those. We also put a snippet of one of the tracks from our next project “Effective When Used After” in the mix (S.OB – Swaggin on a Bean)

Favourite track of the moment?

My brother is yelling “Racks on top of racks” by Y.C and Future right now That Actress song we put on the mix is pretty dope too.

Click here and you can load up a playlist (via. Spotify) of all the tracks featured this week. Or alternatively click the name of each song to listen on Youtube.

I WEAR SIN // Jamie Woon – Lady Luck

I’M BACK – SPRING IS HERE // Glasvegas – Euphoria, Take My Hand

LOVE MY SHOES? // Mr Scruff – Jazz potato

SEE THROUGH ME // Kid Koala – Fender Bender

LITTLE LOVERS SO POLITE // Coldcut ft. Roots Manuva – True Skool

BE MY HAUNTING // Belle And Sebastian – the boy with the arab strap

LEVITATE AGAIN // Black Lips – Veni Vidi Vici

Click here and you can load up a playlist (via. Spotify) of all the tracks featured this week. Or alternatively click the name of each song to listen on Youtube.

School Is Killing My Energy // Beni – Fringe Elements (short like me edit)

If i could read your mind // Lo Fi Fnk – Want you

Shut up boy // tilly and the wall – sing songs along

Caf Latte // Daft Punk – Technologic

loveoutoflust // Bon Iver – skinny love)

Bel-Air-High-Castles-in-the-Sky // Rick Ross – Hustlin

loveoutoflust // Simian – La Breeze