Calm Down Dearest // Enough Is Enough

calm down enough

Coronation Street has reached a milestone this week as it celebrates it’s 50th birthday. Now ordinarily, I’d expect a couple of party hats, a nice cake and perhaps a cheeky game of pass the parcel or musical chairs. Not for Corrie though, oh no. What better way to spend your birthday than to have a huge tram crash and explosion killing off the nearest and dearest… actually, now you mention it…

Why though, just because something gets old, do we feel the need to celebrate it? Coronation Street is crap. By reaching 50 years old it still doesn’t alter the fact that it’s crap – in the same way as people get older they inevitably become more boring and eventually, they become dead. I fear that Coronation Street might just live until it’s 72 when it dies of pneumonia rather than doing us all a favour and dying sometime this year in a freak production accident. I can but hope.

The big tram stunt cost the production team over £1 million. In times of austerity, that sir, is a waste of money.

I have promised myself that no matter how utterly rubbish my life gets, I won’t subject myself to becoming a soap addict. I pity people who sit down each night of the week to watch Emmerdale, Coronation Street and Eastenders one after the other, essentially wishing their life away. Coronation Street averaged 13 million viewers for its ‘tram crash special’ – that’s almost a fifth of the entire British population! Personally, I cannot see the interest in watching a bunch of fictional characters live their dramatic, miserable lives. If you’re watching Coronation Street religiously then you’re life is probably reaching that very same level so my advice would be to turn your TV off, get a good book or get a hobby. You know, like theatre, cooking or setting aside some time for a loved one. Perhaps you could even socialise with some real people – try it, you might just surprise yourself.

50 years is more than enough for any television programme. I beg you ITV, put it to bed, before you ruin the minds of millions of people. Let these slovenly people get out of the house and enjoy their actual lives.

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