Calm Down Dearest // Food for Thought

In the week that’s seen horrific floods in Pakistan, rising GCSE grades and X Factor deception there’s certainly a lot to talk about. I’d like to focus on the more light hearted of the three though, as I really can’t say anything about Pakistan other than, get your hand in your pocket and give generously. They certainly need it.

So X Factor has kicked off with a bang again this year, prompting over 11 million of us to sit down and watch its opening show. It was the usual mix of idiots, mentalists and fat birds that can kind of sing but will never make it – does anyone remember Michelle McManus? It’s worth searching for her on Google if you don’t as it describes her rather aptly; ‘Michelle McManus (born 1980, the North Sea) is a large, aquatic mammal that lives off the shores of Scotland, and was the winner of the second series of Pop Idol’. Although admittedly, that result came up as I Googled ‘fat singer Michelle’ in an attempt to find her because I’d forgotten her name. Then there was the pop trio ‘Jahm’, for those of you who watched it on Saturday night. Essentially, this guy had auditioned girls online to be part of his group and then entered X Factor. Not only had he managed to fail in getting any girls that could sing, but he’d also recruited two downright munters on board as well, bad times. As I was watching it though, I couldn’t help but think he was onto a winner. Hence, I’m now recruiting for my very own pop trio. You needn’t be able to sing, just be attractive and willing to meet up for ‘auditions’ either via webcam or in my bedroom – it’s all in the name of music, honest.

Despite X Factors huge viewing majority, it has faced some pretty heavy criticism and rightly so. Not that I need to repeat what we’ve all read in the papers though. Instead, I shall be protesting by means of not watching it, for a week at least. Edited to deliver the most entertaining experience, my arse.

Its one thing moaning about X Factor though and another moaning that England’s young people are getting more intelligent. I’m enraged by people actually chuntering on about it. Personally, I think we can all take heart in knowing that the countries future is in safe hands given the record rise in top GCSE’s. There are the usual debates going on as to whether or not they’re getting easier, which quite frankly I find preposterous. All we need to do is look for a direct correlation between rising GCSE results and something else. Could it be the improved teaching? Well it could be, but the research to support that is a little bit wishy washy. It’s something much simpler than that. Fatties. Yup, by the power of deduction I can tell you that it’s all because of the fatties. The fact remains, that as our children are becoming more and more obese, they are actually getting cleverer. Check out the stats for yourself.

Good God, just think how clever Michelle McManus is? She must be an A* student for sure. Now there’s food for thought. Literally.

You can find even more witticisms from Teddy over at the Calm Down Dearest page on Facebook. Just make sure you dash back over here every Wednesday, ok?