Calm Down Dearest // Disney Lapland

calm down disney

By the time you get round to reading this, I shall be lapping up the sunshine in the sunny Orlando, Florida. Yep, it’s that time I year where I jet off and enjoy a bit of time with a few friends before returning to the normal humdrum of everyday life. Traditionally, me and my friends have always ventured to the typical lad places; Ibiza and the god awful Malia to name but a few. This year though, we’ve decided to try and have a holiday with a little bit of substance instead.

My first question when we’d booked Orlando was never mind going to Disneyland, are there any Disney themed strip clubs? You might think I’m being a bit odd asking that, but it’s a genuine question that pretty much most men have dreamt about since watching that slut Princess Jasmine lounging around in her silky blue little number. If there isn’t a Disney themed strip club yet, then it at least begs the question, why not? I’d pay hard earned money to see some of my favourite characters get down to their bare essentials! No really, it’s not sick at all. It’s perfectly acceptable to watch Pocahontas and fantasise about her whilst babysitting your nieces as they watch on innocently – isn’t it?

I can imagine that it would be a pretty expensive strip club though. What with all those high class characters and potential libel payouts. Still, for those of you on a budget you could always go for the half price option and have a cheeky dance from Ariel. It’s win, win. My mother always said that I’m not sick, I’m just imaginative. I’m imagining it right now. I’d pay for three at once. I’d be sat there, with three beautiful Disney characters gyrating for me; Snow White, The Little Mermaid and Cruella Deville. Fitty central!

Ok, I’ll admit it. It’s not that I don’t want to go to Disneyland this week… It’s that I’m not allowed within 100 metres of the place. Had I known I’d get into this much trouble, I’d never have said “I’d poke her hontas” whilst my nieces were sat there.

You can find even more witticisms from Eddie over at the Calm Down Dearest page on Facebook. Just make sure you dash back over here every Wednesday, ok?