Calm Down Dearest // Published

I’m not one to brag or anything, but did you know that I’m actually a fully fledged published author in an actual real tangible book? Don’t spit out your cup of tea in surprise, I’m being serious! Whilst you might just think I write these ham-fisted articles each week for Faux Magazine for my own satisfaction, I think you’ll find that I’ve always had a certain way with words. You don’t believe me?

Pow! Get your goggles on and check out these bad boys then. At the tender age of eleven I made my very first publication in a book entitled Spellbound (Lincolnshire edition) as edited by Carl Golder, where I starred on the 25th page with this weaponry poem:


Galaxy is so very sweet
And to have it in my mouth is such a treat
Let it lure you into a dream
And see how the chocolate works as a team
X-ray this and see what you find
Yes it’s smooth and ever so kind

Oh yeah! Now, without wanting to over grown my cranium, just one year on at the age of twelve I secured my second ever publication in Kaleidoscope (Lincolnshire edition), as edited by Dave Thomas. Check me out this time… I managed to get myself on the 19th page. Boom!

Murder Calls

I was the undetectable witness,
The one that wasn’t seen,
Who did it? Is what you want to know,
A hint; he wasn’t clean.
Saw it all is what I did,
My name is Eddie Whitt,
Except the one who did this is a complete and utter twit.

I even manage to name drop myself in my own poem, in your face Shakespeare! Chew on my acrostic poems with their clever wit and astuteness. What do you mean they only put my poem in the book to con my parents out of £12.99? I’m a talented author – as are the other one thousand children who managed to get published!